Luffy Learns
by Lanky Nathan
Summary: Ok, PRETEND Luffy is totally clueless of women and how they work. Because of that, Nami and Robin give him 'THE TALK'. Things will get gritty. Set before Water 7. Please enjoy.


Ok. For a few minutes lets pretend Luffy is completely clueless of the softer of the two genders. Not a lemon.

I own nothing

**Luffy Learns**

The day seemed to drag on aboard the Going Merry. Sanji was cooking lunch, Chopper was sorting out his medicines, Usopp was up in the crows nest and Zoro was doing what he does best.

Luffy wandered around board shitless. He had already asked everyone if they wanted to do something. Each bluntly refused. All of Luffy's games ended in them owing him food or them lacking parts of clothing. The only two he hadn't asked was Nami and Robin. Hunting about, he went searching for the two missing crew members.

Entering the main cabin, he came across Nami lightly dozing on the couch. He looked down at her. This is really the first good look he had had at her without her arcing up at him about staring at whatever she was so worried about. The main thing he always noticed was the rather large bumps on her chest. She seemed rather protective of them, never wandering around topless like himself and the others. Come to think of it neither did Robin. That little thought sparked the memory he was hunting for two, not one. Looking across, he saw Robin sleeping in the chair. He ambled over to her. Looking down he saw her dribbling on the recent map Nami had drawn. He grinned. Nami's gona be pissed. Looking down further, he saw the same massive bumps on her chest as on Nami. Curious as always, he reached out to touch one. His finger embedded itself into it. He heard a soft gasp and several arms sprouted from all over his body and instantly had him in a nothing less than uncomfortable grapple. Lying on the ground, he looked up to see Robin standing over him, a look of annoyance in her eyes.

"What the hell are you doing? Touch me like that again and I swear, you will drown in your own blood."

Still looking up from his compromising position, Luffy frowned.

"What makes that so wrong? It's not like I punched you or anything."

Those simple words increased the grip and pain rating of the arms considerably.

"That's sick. Let me spell it out to you. Don't…EVER…touch me there. Or any other woman for that case."

Still clueless, Luffy grimaced.

"Let off the arms already! And what's so wrong with your chest that you gotta cover it up? All the rest of us walk around topless except you and Nami."

KICK

Luffy's head bobbled around a bit before he could focus on his attacker. A seriously pissed Nami looked down at him.

"Are you trying to get me and Robin here to strip just because your board? If that's so, I'm throwing you overboard."

Luffy looked up in a mixture of confusion and fear as Nami picked him up and started to carry him to the door. As she passed Robin, the black haired beauty noticed the innocent look in his eyes. Reaching out, she grabbed Nami's' shoulder.

"Impossible as this sounds, I really think he has no idea what he did." Looking down at the scared, soon to be doomed to be pirate king; she looked at him in the eyes. "Lie and I will squash you. How old are you?

Luffy gulped. "17ish. Why?"

Robin ignored the question. "Do you know about what makes a woman a woman?"

Eyes flicking from one captor to the other, he swallowed. "They are softer, scream louder and have massive pecks?"

Nami dropped the boy. She stood on his back, making sure the heels on her shoes dug into his skin. "Is that your final answer?"

Luffy started leaking sweat at an alarming rate while his pulse skyrocketed. He looked up desperately at Robin for help. She narrowed her eyes before all the arms on the boy retracted back into him. He flopped out from the hold unceremoniously. Nami gasped as her balance was lost. Thudding to the floor, she quickly righted herself quite embarrassed. Luffy looked up in surprise and stood up.

"Take a seat Luffy. Nami, I think he needs 'The Talk'."

Luffy started sweating again.

Dragging a seat in front of Luffy, Robin sat down. "Ok. As hard as it is to believe, you really have absolutely no idea about males and females do you."

Luffy looked over to Nami. "What's so different about boys and girls?"

Nami sighed and rubbed her temple. "Ok Robin, I believe you. Luffy, you are going to be different after this. Hopefully more mature too." She to dragged a chair in front of the dense boy.

"We'll start with the basics. Luffy, first off what you did to me back at the table is unacceptable because that is a private place, like boys downstairs. Girls are very sensitive about people touching them there. Understand?"

Luffy looked blankly at the two. "But it's just a chest. It's nothing special. I mean, I see Zoro's all the time."

They both sighed. This was going to be hard without getting to descriptive. (A/N - Grins evilly)

Robin sat up straighter. "Ok. The easiest way to say it is that these 'pecks' are not pecks at all. They are breasts and are part of what makes a girl a girl. Pecks are solid muscle but breasts are actually soft tissue. You found out that when you poked me."

Luffy sat up straighter, slight comprehension starting to flicker in his eyes. "So, they don't make you stronger, they just sit there. So what's their purpose?"

Nami's' eye twitched. "They are used for feeding babies. They produce milk. The baby suckles the nipple and the milk comes out through the centre. Clear?"

Luffy's eyes widened and a massive smile etched onto his face. "MILK? Does it taste good? How much comes out? Can I try some?"

The rapid succession of questions left both women quite red, especially the last one. Robin looked over at Nami who was looking like she could gut the dunce and strangle him with his intestines.

"Patience Nami. Remember who this is."

Fighting back her powerful urge to bite, maim, kill, Nami swallowed it all down and took a deep breath.

"No Luffy. You may not try any. Mostly because we aren't producing any at the moment and that it's only for babies. Not to mention it would look odd having a 17 year old hanging off our chests." explained Robin.

Nami visualized the image and contemplated gouging her eyes out with a rusty spoon.

Luffy sat back with a look of dejection on his face. "If that's so, then why don't they just go away when you don't have babies…where do they come from?"

Nami sighed. "That comes later Luffy. Another reason we have them is for a little something called sexual appeal. Mostly, guys REALLY like looking at a girl with big boobs, like ours. Take Sanji for example. Every time he sees me in a towel, where do his eyes go? Right to my chest. Now you can't tell me you haven't ever tried to sneak a look at ours."

Luffy shook his head. "Nope. I've never really paid them much attention at all. I just always found it weird that you cover them up until now."

Robin looked over at Nami. "Ok Luffy. I'm going to do something that you should be extremely grateful for. Most guys would kill for this."

Grasping Nami by the shoulders, she picked her up. "Nami, forgive me. But I could never do this myself."

She started twisting Nami from side to side rapidly. Nami gasped as she felt her boobs start to swing from one side to the other, tapping in rhythm with her bodies twist. She tried to jump away but several hana hana hands popped out and held her in place.

"THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

Unknown to her, Luffy was staring at the swinging milk jugs with a face of bewilderment.

After a few more swings, Robin let go and Nami leapt away holding her chest. The red head gave Robin a glare that said of many evil things to come. Turning away, she looked back at Luffy. The boy was sitting in his chair looking quite uncomfortable. He kept twisting his legs over each other till he knotted himself up.

He looked up pathetically. "Could you untie me?"

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5 minutes later, Luffy was back to normal. Or, almost. He was still looking embarrassed and his face was slightly red across his nose and cheeks. Robin looked over to Nami and smiled.

"What just happened Luffy?"

He looked at a bug crawling across the ground. "I'd rather not say."

"Did something grow Luffy?"

"Uh…y…n…no…" His face dropped forward and his eyes disappeared under his hats brim.

Robin smiled again. "Has that ever happened before?"

The hat nodded slightly.

Robin leaned back. "That is what makes you a man Luffy. Your penis. It has many other names such as one eye trouser snake, purple headed war hammer, anaconda, Mr. happy and bone. Is something girls don't have. It is embarrassing, but what just happened will happen when a girl does something like that. It is completely natural. Now for the lower parts of our bodies. I think the easiest way to explain it will be to show you."

Robin looked over at Nami. Nami looked back. The penny dropped.

"FUCK"

"OFF"

Robin shrugged. "Can't hurt to ask. Looks like I'm gona have to tell you about it after all."

Luffy started at the two women before him. His eyes looked up in confusion. "What's so different about our lowers? I have my snake and you don't…what do you have?"

"We have something else. A vagina. Its located down between our legs. It's a hole that boys stick their 'snakes' into. That is called sex. Now. When that happens you will shoot something called 'sperm' into the girl. The girl has a tiny cell that the sperm enters. Eventually that grows into a fully grown baby. That is where babies come from. Now you don't ever, EVER do what I just said without the girls consent first. Clear?"

The explanation left Luffy wide eyed and gasping like a fish out of water. "THAT IS SO GROSS! WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER DO THAT?"

Nami smiled at the pre-teen like response. "You do it because it feels so good. I haven't yet and most people wait till their married before they do it. But there is self sex where you touch yourself there and 'get off' like that. Almost every single person has tried it. So that's why it's not quite so gross."

Luffy just sat their stunned. This was something he had never really considered and frankly, probably never would of hadn't it been brought up.

Nami and Robin looked at each other. "Well, that's the talk for the day. Any questions?"

Luffy just sat and looked at his crotch, then at Robins and blanched. He looked away, anywhere but at the two girls before him. Shaking his head he got up and ran out the door, quite mortified.

Robin looked after the fleeing boy. "Well, that's the big excitement for the day. I'm going back to sleep. Night."

Nami looked over at Robin settling herself down on the couch. Might as well get some more sleep in to. Walking over to the table she noticed the massive wet patch on her recent map. Looking over at Robin, she growled. Boy will she get it.

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"…AND THEN THEY SAID THAT BOYS STICK IT IN THEM IN THEIR, Viagra? AND ANYWAY I COULD DO IT BY TOUCHING MYSELF AND 'GET OFF' LIKE THAT AND HOW GROSS IS THAT?"

Nami and Robin walked in just to hear the end of Luffy's wild explanation of what happened earlier. Both girls turned bright red, realizing what Luffy had just spilt. Looking over at Zoro, he glanced up at them and smirked.

"Wow that really is gross, ay Nami, Robin?" He started laughing softly.

Sanji was in tears and jumped up to clutch at both their skirts. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE GOING TO TELL LUFFY THAT MY SWEETS? I COULD HAVE HELPED!"

The way the sentence came out left both women looking very pale.

Finally, Chopper and Usopp were sitting in the corner gigging like 12 year old school girls.

Looking at each other, the two women turned and walked out of the room as quickly as dignity would allow.

Reaching their cabin, Robin said to the back wall, "From now on, we tell Luffy nothing about anything sexual. Deal?"

Nami all but too readily agreed. "DEAL."

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Later that night, a certain rubber man was lying in his hammock thinking about the days revelations. For what seemed the 100th time, he looked down at his crotch. It seemed so gross at the time, but now that he thought about it, the sound of, 'getting off' to himself didn't sound too bad. Reaching down he unzipped his fly.

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Across the quiet of the ocean, nothing was stirring. Everything was still. Suddenly a multitude of male voices rang out clear across the expanse of water and fog.

"_**WHAT THE **__**FUCK**__** ARE YOU DOING LUFFY?!" **_

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A/N - A little bit gross but hey, everyone has their moments. Hope you liked it XD

Hey everyone, Luffy Learns is back!! Yes, this series was taken down a few months ago due to personal reasons. After that, I lost the copies when my old computer crashed. I got many emails from people wondering where they had gone but unfortunately I had no way of restoring them. =P Then, all of a sudden out of the blue, Tobi the Good Boy emailed me from his friends account, RGZ Archer. He had saved the stories to his computer and offered me them back to put up. If you like this story and the rest that shall be eventually put up, you have these two guys to thank for it. Many thanks to the both of them! =)


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